I have had really good people in my life.
Like the best people.
They are kind, and sassy, and sarcastic, and thoughtful, and genuine.
And unfortunately, I have to use the word 'had' to describe our friendship. In moving away to school I've realized how difficult it is to keep in contact with close friends. Sure, we say that we'll talk, and for the first months we do, but then it becomes like a chore. And I don't want any of my friendships to become a chore.
The people that I have left impacted my greatly. They created who I am today, and who I will try to be tomorrow. Losing their daily influence in my life has created an ache in my heart that I can physically feel.
That's not to say that I haven't met new, absolutely wonderful people, who are slowly becoming my closest friends.
It's just saying that sometimes, as much as I know I need to appreciate the current moment, I miss the past. I miss the ease of being around friends who I have known for years, and who already accept my quirks. I miss the inside jokes, and not feeling like I have to prove myself. I miss my best friends.
But then I am so grateful that they are away from me, because that means other people get to experience them, and appreciate them for the gems they are. They're growing, and learning, and loving, just like I am. They are becoming better versions of themselves. So really, all I can do is acknowledge that I miss them, and to honor them by living every day like they would want me to.
They will always be close in my heart, even if we don't talk every day. They will always be a part of my story, even as the chapter is turning.
They are my home.
With love,
MG
Sunday, November 16, 2014
Wednesday, November 5, 2014
Casually Complaining
Everyday has road bumps. But some day's bumps teach you more about the journey of life than others, even if they're small. Doubtful? Well, dear reader, let me explain how today I learned something significant in a totally insignificant way.
Let me tell you, oh riveted audience, about my nose piercing.
It was my small act of defiance the summer after my senior year. It made me, if we're speaking casually, a hard core rebel (if a teenage white girl from a small suburban town in West Michigan can be a hard core rebel at all). I loved it because it made me feel fancy, and fancy is something that a person who wears sweat shirts and leggings constantly doesn't typically feel. And while I could talk about the day that I got my piercing and separated myself from the herd (and put myself into a herd of other bad ass small town white teenage girls with nose piercings), I'm not going to give you the privilege of reading that. Maybe later, when we're better friends. I'm going to talk about today, when I realized it was missing.
Which was today, at about approximately 1 p.m.
Lets go through the time line:
1:00 p.m. - Midge realizes her nose is bedazzle-less
1:05 - Midge freaks out
1: 06 - Midge calls boyfriend to see if it's in his bed (Midge had slept in boyfriends bed the previous night. Boyfriend had slept on his futon. They have a very loving relationship, filled with mutual appreciation and desire for sleep.)
1:07 - Boyfriend promises to look for it.
1:09 - Midge arrives at Boyfriend's dorm and sees Boyfriend still laying on futon, not looking for the all important piercing.
1:11 - Midge can't find the piercing, is annoyed with Boyfriend for still sitting on the futon and not participating in the search, and storms out of the room.
1:13 - Midge, on the brink of tears (Yes, this is real. I wish it wasn't.) texts her mother complaining about losing the piercing.
Let me give you some background on my mother.
She is, in a word, a saint. My mom is constantly putting other people first, taking care of them, or being a positive influence to them. My mom is my role model, moral compass, and inspiration. My mom is who I want to be when I grow up (except I don't want to have children... so minus that). My mom is the best person I know, and the only person I know who would actually care when I texted her to complain about the fact that my nose piercing had gone missing. So thats her.
And now some background on me. I like to complain, and not do anything about my problem. Which is exactly what I wanted to do when I texted my mother, and told her about my bodily piercing related woes.
Which exactly what she didn't let me do. In her infinite wisdom, my mother began presenting me with solutions to my problem. She came up with so many that she exhausted my list of reasons why I couldn't possibly do anything about this, and my nose piercing would close up, and I would die without being hardcore or fancy in any way shape or form. And she motivated me to get out of what would be comfortable and easy (aka complaining) and to take action towards a solution.
Now, this is a lesson that she has spent 18 years teaching me; if there is a problem, fix it.
But quite frankly, it was a reality check to me. And so, in classic college student fashion, I've dissected the reason's that we have for complaining instead of creating a solution. Here are my top three.
1 - We're lazy.
Effort is annoying. It's not fun, and no one like to do it. It's way more comfortable to just talk about how miserable our lives are then to take any sort of step to make them different.
2 - We're prideful.
Blaming people is so much fun. It's a blast to blame other people for our problems, and it's not a blast to take ownership for them. That feels more like getting blast-ed.
3 - We think we deserve everything handed to us.
Obviously we are superior to other humans, and all the other humans should bow down to us and serve out needs. That's just common sense. It's not like we're all individuals with equal rights and similar desires who need to work in coordination to achieve goals, that would just be ridiculous.
Reality check: we don't mean to be this way. These reactions to annoyances are unconscious, and often a reflex. We don't realize how dumb we are being when we're in the middle of the problem. It was a lot easier for me to complain to my mom, or get angry at my boyfriend, or sulk about my how terrible my life was and my nose looked then to get on my bike and ride to the store to get a new piece of jewelry. (Honestly though, it wasn't that much easier. It just felt like it was because I was spending all my energy complaining.) I reacted poorly to the situation because I was focused on the obstacles in my way, not how I could over come them.
This lesson is universal. It can apply to something as simple as a piercing, or as complex as a life goal. We get hung up on blaming others, complaining, and waiting for people to give us what we want. It's not fun to have to do work to solve a problem. But you learn so much more doing it.
Sometimes it takes motivation from a person we respect to get us off our butts and working to accomplish a goal. And that's ok. We aren't expected to have every solution on our own. But we also can't wait for that, or dismiss them when it happens.
So here is my small, casual lesson of the day.
We have the choice on how we react to a situation. We get to choose if we complain, or create.
With love,
MG
Let me tell you, oh riveted audience, about my nose piercing.
It was my small act of defiance the summer after my senior year. It made me, if we're speaking casually, a hard core rebel (if a teenage white girl from a small suburban town in West Michigan can be a hard core rebel at all). I loved it because it made me feel fancy, and fancy is something that a person who wears sweat shirts and leggings constantly doesn't typically feel. And while I could talk about the day that I got my piercing and separated myself from the herd (and put myself into a herd of other bad ass small town white teenage girls with nose piercings), I'm not going to give you the privilege of reading that. Maybe later, when we're better friends. I'm going to talk about today, when I realized it was missing.
Which was today, at about approximately 1 p.m.
Lets go through the time line:
1:00 p.m. - Midge realizes her nose is bedazzle-less
1:05 - Midge freaks out
1: 06 - Midge calls boyfriend to see if it's in his bed (Midge had slept in boyfriends bed the previous night. Boyfriend had slept on his futon. They have a very loving relationship, filled with mutual appreciation and desire for sleep.)
1:07 - Boyfriend promises to look for it.
1:09 - Midge arrives at Boyfriend's dorm and sees Boyfriend still laying on futon, not looking for the all important piercing.
1:11 - Midge can't find the piercing, is annoyed with Boyfriend for still sitting on the futon and not participating in the search, and storms out of the room.
1:13 - Midge, on the brink of tears (Yes, this is real. I wish it wasn't.) texts her mother complaining about losing the piercing.
Let me give you some background on my mother.
She is, in a word, a saint. My mom is constantly putting other people first, taking care of them, or being a positive influence to them. My mom is my role model, moral compass, and inspiration. My mom is who I want to be when I grow up (except I don't want to have children... so minus that). My mom is the best person I know, and the only person I know who would actually care when I texted her to complain about the fact that my nose piercing had gone missing. So thats her.
And now some background on me. I like to complain, and not do anything about my problem. Which is exactly what I wanted to do when I texted my mother, and told her about my bodily piercing related woes.
Which exactly what she didn't let me do. In her infinite wisdom, my mother began presenting me with solutions to my problem. She came up with so many that she exhausted my list of reasons why I couldn't possibly do anything about this, and my nose piercing would close up, and I would die without being hardcore or fancy in any way shape or form. And she motivated me to get out of what would be comfortable and easy (aka complaining) and to take action towards a solution.
Now, this is a lesson that she has spent 18 years teaching me; if there is a problem, fix it.
But quite frankly, it was a reality check to me. And so, in classic college student fashion, I've dissected the reason's that we have for complaining instead of creating a solution. Here are my top three.
1 - We're lazy.
Effort is annoying. It's not fun, and no one like to do it. It's way more comfortable to just talk about how miserable our lives are then to take any sort of step to make them different.
2 - We're prideful.
Blaming people is so much fun. It's a blast to blame other people for our problems, and it's not a blast to take ownership for them. That feels more like getting blast-ed.
3 - We think we deserve everything handed to us.
Obviously we are superior to other humans, and all the other humans should bow down to us and serve out needs. That's just common sense. It's not like we're all individuals with equal rights and similar desires who need to work in coordination to achieve goals, that would just be ridiculous.
Reality check: we don't mean to be this way. These reactions to annoyances are unconscious, and often a reflex. We don't realize how dumb we are being when we're in the middle of the problem. It was a lot easier for me to complain to my mom, or get angry at my boyfriend, or sulk about my how terrible my life was and my nose looked then to get on my bike and ride to the store to get a new piece of jewelry. (Honestly though, it wasn't that much easier. It just felt like it was because I was spending all my energy complaining.) I reacted poorly to the situation because I was focused on the obstacles in my way, not how I could over come them.
This lesson is universal. It can apply to something as simple as a piercing, or as complex as a life goal. We get hung up on blaming others, complaining, and waiting for people to give us what we want. It's not fun to have to do work to solve a problem. But you learn so much more doing it.
Sometimes it takes motivation from a person we respect to get us off our butts and working to accomplish a goal. And that's ok. We aren't expected to have every solution on our own. But we also can't wait for that, or dismiss them when it happens.
So here is my small, casual lesson of the day.
We have the choice on how we react to a situation. We get to choose if we complain, or create.
With love,
MG
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